


What Started as a Nightmare

by RaoDaos



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27987465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaoDaos/pseuds/RaoDaos
Summary: Starts right where ep. 118 ends...and takes off from there. So spoilers up to most recent episode.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Yasha, Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 7
Kudos: 139





	What Started as a Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> This is a wine fueled scene that wouldn't leave my head...that also ended up being much longer than I intended. Over 12,000 words later. Oh, and also...there is an alluded to possible spoiler that stems from EG to Wildemout...as part of what spawned this idea in my head was a tumblr post about such things.

“Mmmmmraaannnnnnnggghhhh!” 

The horrible sound that emanated from the long, dark hallway was more than enough to fuel the Mighty Nein’s nightmares for months to come, but once the hulking, cherub-faced, mammoth of a creature stomped its way into the large chamber they found themselves in, their stomachs dropped even further in horror. 

Beau’s mouth hung open as she stared at the monster from her hidden spot next to the door. She could hear her fast breathing resounding in her head along with her heartbeat as the organ continued to pick up its pace with the more of this thing Beau was able to see. Her eyes landed on the swinging blue light hanging from its swollen face, but instantly focused passed it, to the wide heterochromatic eyes looking back at her. Beau could see Yasha’s breath was erratic as well, her expression one that the monk was sure mirrored her own of slight fear and horror. 

Yasha’s chest tightened when the bright blue eyes across from her met her own; a silent conversation would have been had if there were literally anything to say in that moment. She couldn’t hide the gulp as she took in small, short breaths, tightening the grip her still raised arm had on the hilt of her sword. She did not pull the weapon from her back, nervous to make a sound now that they were officially locked in a room with this...thing. 

The group remained frozen in their spots, no one wanting to be the one to make the first move as the positively haunting entity took a few more steps into the chamber. Beau felt her stomach do flips when its head began to slowly swivel, sniffing around for something; her heart was jackhammering in her chest at this point. She noticed a change in its sniffing pattern, as if it found something interesting and her heart clenched as she watched it turn away from her. She saw the tall aasimar take a step backwards as the creature turned and took a step in her direction, the sniffing intensifying. Something about the way it almost seemed like the creature could sense Yasha sent a shockwave of terror down Beau’s spine and she acted before she even really thought about it; though if she had, her decision would have more than likely been the exact same. 

Blue eyes looked at the floor around her as Beau searched for something heavy, smiling when her eyes landed on a brick. She looked back up just as the monster took another step towards the barbarian who was slowly beginning to unsheathe her sword, fear still radiating from her eyes and without another thought, lobbed the heavy brick right at the thing. 

In one moment, the monster was taking more steps in her direction, causing Yasha to back up and start to get her sword ready, in the next, she saw a piece of debris fly through the air and smack the monster in the head. Her eyes widened as she looked back at the woman across from her, her head shaking slightly, asking why on earth she would do such a thing, but her question was cut off by another, resounding, horrifying cry. 

“Mmmrrrreeeeennnnnnnggggggghhhhhhh!” 

Yasha’s stomach fell as the creature turned around towards Beau and let loose its awful sound. “Beau!” The aasimar yelled, throwing her hand out towards the monk, but her voice was drowned out by the unrelenting noise of the beast that was now storming towards the corner Beau was standing in. She held her breath as the monk acted quickly, jumping off of the close walls around her to get enough height to leap over the monster as it barreled towards her, crashing into the wall as she landed behind it. It was instinctual when Yasha’s hand shot out to land on Beau’s shoulder as the shorter woman quickly backed up towards her. They both watched as the giant, angry creature destroyed the corner it found itself in, rearing back on its hind legs to throw its head and shoulders around, destroying everything in its path. 

Beau glanced to her side, looking down at the pale hand on her shoulder before continuing up to meet the eyes of the concerned woman next to her. She didn’t have time to second guess herself as she brought one of her own hands up to rest on top of Yasha’s before she took one more step and brought herself directly in front of the aasimar. She’d seen the creature up close, she knew it’d sensed something in the other woman that made it start in her direction, and Beau was not going to let it get a clear shot of her if she could stop it. Since it was still occupied with trying to bring down the walls around it, she began to step backwards until her back came into contact with the warm body behind her. Her hand came down from her shoulder and swung around to find place on Yasha’s hip as she took a few more steps, guiding them backwards without taking her eyes off of the creature in front of her. 

Yasha’s eyes were still wide as she allowed the smaller woman to lead her backwards, away from whatever this thing was; she could see in her periphery the forms of Caduceus and Caleb backing away similarly from their hiding spot as the walls began to fall in that area of the lab. 

Both pairs froze as Caleb’s elbow knocked a large glass container from the top of a podium as he tried to run past it in the dark, shattering it across the floor with a loud crash. The louder sound of the beast’s cries erupted from the corner it was in as the eerie blue light peeked out from behind the mostly fallen wall in front of it, followed by the haunting, swollen face as it searched for its new prey. 

Beau huffed as she stood up straight and centered her body, readying herself; fuck it. “Are we fighting this fucking thing or what?” She turned to look over her shoulder as the light from Fjord’s sword summoning lit up the spot he was standing in; that was all the confirmation she needed. “Caleb! Lets get some light in here!” She glanced to her side after the globules rose in the chamber, feeling Yasha come to stand next to her, sword at the ready. She wanted to say something. 

_Be careful. Stay behind me. Stay safe...please. I love you._

It all died on her tongue before ever making it past her lips as usual and Beau found herself simply reaching down and giving Yasha’s hand a small squeeze; the unspoken understanding that’d somehow manifested between them recently passing through their fingertips, sending warmth radiating up her arm. 

Yasha returned the small squeeze with the hint of a smirk as she looked down at the monk, who had so many things written in her expression. Too many things for them to deal with in that moment; and so, Yasha held onto the warmth of the tanned fingers clasped around hers for the second they had before both women took off towards the nightmarish fight they now found themselves in. 

*******

Beau’s back slammed into the wall, forcing all of the air out of her lungs as she slid down it. She could hear somewhere across the room someone yell her name, Jester maybe, but she couldn’t be sure as the edges of her vision began to leave her. The monster wasn’t particularly fast, but when it landed a hit, it did some fucking damage. She winced as the stinging injury on her leg throbbed; she’d been half a second too slow and one of the mouth arms had yanked her leg into the gaping hole of endless teeth...and corrosive saliva they learned. She’d managed to escape the bite, but not before the sharp teeth dug long scratches into her thigh, the surrounding area eaten away slightly by the spit. She clenched her eyes closed and groaned, she could feel unconsciousness about to take her; the creature’s final blow on her had thrown her into the stone wall with great force.

Her vision suddenly returned slightly as a warmth spread throughout her body, pulsing upwards from her thigh. Beau blinked her eyes a few times before glancing down towards her leg, seeing the flowing white hair before anything else as Yasha knelt over her, casting healing hands above her wound. The monk began to sit up slightly, her chest quaking as the worst sound they’d heard yet exploded from where the monster stood about twenty feet from the pair. 

Before Yasha had been able to check on Beau further, having rushed to her side when she saw her fall, she was whipping her head in the direction of the monster that was now once again, staring right at her. The fight had been going on for some time at this point and anytime Yasha got near the beast, it went right for her, ignoring anything else. She’d managed to remain a certain distance unless she was going all out for an attack, but as soon as she cast her healing hands, it seemed the creature reacted...in a big way. Her eyes widened as the light above her opponent’s head began to glow brighter and it seemed to focus it’s resounding screams directly at her; she could feel the familiar prickling sensation of something trying to affect her mind. Violet and turquoise eyes blinked firmly once, opening again with a piercing glare as for the first time in Yasha’s memory, she easily shook it off, sending her own loud bellow back at the beast as she remained protectively hunched over a still injured Beauregard. 

It wasn’t lost on the still prone monk how Yasha’s celestial magic alerted the monster of her location...and enraged it. Beau ignored the pull in her lower abdomen at the protective growl that came out of Yasha’s mouth as she stood over her as she watched the creature rear back on its hind legs before slamming back down, preparing to charge. This thing looked to be hurt, but the fight had gone on for so long, she didn’t know how much more they had in them, and they still hadn’t managed to get the way out opened again. Another groan of pain left her mouth as she tried to roll up onto her feet; her whole body hurt, but they had to move, and fast. Her breath hitched in her throat, the room lighting up with a warm orange glow as a giant fireball exploded around the creature; she looked to see Caleb’s hands held out in front of him, his face concentrated. She turned back to the creature and listened to it scream as fire engulfed its entire form; but something else seemed to happen. The body of their enemy seemed to vibrate, the arms of its mouth curling in before it reared back up on its hind legs and slammed back down as a stream of...something...vomit, or...poison...(who really knew at this point) came flying from its mouth. Her suspicion of the corrosiveness of this bodily fluid was confirmed when the barbarian still standing over her, positioned herself even more so, holding out her arm to block them from the spray with her cloak only to let loose a small whimper as some of it hit her arm, melting away the material of her clothes to leave a sizzling burn mark on it. 

Yasha looked down when she felt the small monk spring to her feet, feeling a hand on her hip once again. She couldn’t help the small upturn of the side of her mouth at the small gestures Beau kept doing, more than likely without even thinking about it...which only made them better. Any hint of a smile fell when she heard Jester’s scream from the other side of the room. Quickly turning she could see Fjord on the ground, his face contorted in pain as he held his side...which looked to have gotten decently hit with the monster's goo. She saw Jester kneeling next to him, frantically casting some healing as her eyes darted around at the rest of them. 

“We have to get out of here!” The desperation in the blue tiefling’s voice was palpable as she yelled to the rest of them. 

Yasha watched as Caleb’s face twisted, deep in concentration as he turned to the huge baby thing. She saw him bring something into his hands, muttering as he did before he threw some sort of dust in a line in front of him and brought both of his hands quickly up. The light that exploded across the room would have blinded them all if the wizard hadn’t made them immune to it as a giant solid wall of light shot up in between them and the monster, blocking it from getting to them. It took Yasha’s breath away and she was so stunned for a moment that it didn’t even register that Caleb was shouting at them. 

“Yasha! Jester! Get that door open!” 

A pair of multicolored eyes locked onto the purple ones across the room as Yasha nodded at a tearful Jester, her heart clenching as she watched her friend take one more look down at Fjord who nodded at her before she placed a kiss on his cheek, got up and ran to the door. She herself turned and placed her hand on Beau’s face, running her thumb across her cheek before turning and quickly joining Jester at the door, locking eyes with her again before they began to pull on it. 

It was a lot harder to move this time, the angle from being inside the room a much more awkward one to try and line up. Yasha closed her eyes, clenching her jaw as every muscle in her body put in towards their effort; she could hear the strain in Jester’s groan, one that matched her own as they gave it everything they had for another minute before releasing their arms, needing to take a break. They both stood back from the door, shaking out their arms, preparing to try again. Everyone flinched when a loud bang followed by the same guttural moan resounded through the room. They were running out of time; Yasha looked around at the rest of the group, seeing how beat down they were. 

Beau and Caduceus were dragging Fjord closer to the door; it required both of them because they were both exhausted from the fight so far. Once they had him in a safe place, Cad began to further heal the wound in his side, glancing over once he was done at the sound of Jester’s voice. 

“What are we going to do once we get this thing open? We aren’t going to be able to close it behind us from the outside, right?” Purple eyes bounced from one person to the other, landing on bright blue as the quiet wizard spoke up. 

“We fucking _run_.” Caleb’s voice shook as he spoke. 

“But we need to get to the crest…” It was hard for Jester to hide the desperation in her voice, but the images of the horrible floating city were hard to get out of her mind, even with the creature that still stood before them. “We have to stop them…” She turned slowly when she heard Fjord’s soft voice. 

“Jester...if we have to continue to fight this thing, I think we will surely lose…” The half orc was now healed enough to be standing on his own, a decent bit of his strength returned, though the healing reserves for the clerics was now dangerously low. “We need to at least regroup somehow, maybe take a short rest? How long does that wall last?” As he received his answer that the wall would remain until they decided to take it down, Fjord reached out to steady a swaying Beauregard who was so tired, she didn’t even try to shake it off as if she didn’t need the help. 

Jester turned back to look at Yasha, seeing the concern and resolve in her eyes as she looked on at Beau before turning to her and setting her jaw as they nodded to each other one more time. The pair stepped back up to the door, gripping it and once again beginning to pull with all of the strength they had left. Just as it was beginning to give slightly, shifting towards the correct grooving, another resounding crash was heard, and they all turned to see the wall of light flicker slightly, the magic holding it together faltering for a second, revealing the raging monster behind it. 

“Uhh...Caleb...is it supposed to do that?” Beau’s eyebrows were knit in concern and confusion as the nervous eyes of her brother turned to her. 

“No...no, it's not...something about this beast seems to be able to fight against the effects of the wall…it shouldn’t be able to affect it like that.” Caleb quickly turned his attention back to the two women pulling on the giant door that still stood between them and freedom. “The faster you can get that door open, the better; I’m afraid we might not have much time.” 

Yasha took a deep breath, strengthening her determination as she continued to groan against the weight of the wall. She looked down, seeing the veins in her own arm pulse along with the blue ones of her partner. She could feel a few tears gather in the corners of her eyes before she heard the cranking of the gears falling into place, the weight of the door slowly being lifted from her grasp. She sighed, looking to Jester with a small smile as the door began to lift in its frame, revealing the way out. Her tired and beat down group began to quickly make their way out the door and into the wide hallway, relieved to finally have a way out of the small fighting ring they’d been locked in. 

Their relief was short lived as another scream exploded from further in the room, the brightly lit wall again fizzling out momentarily as the creature behind it continued to smash itself against it. The Nein watched on in horror as the wall crackled with strained energy, the light that made it up almost bending towards them before in a crash of shattering sound, the wall was gone, destroyed by one final reared bash attack from the creature. The strange, powerful Aeor creation was clearly stunned for a second, but with a few shakes of its head, it was once again focusing on the group of haggard fighters and began to lift itself onto its hind legs, preparing to charge at them once more. 

Yasha felt her heart skip a beat in her chest as she watched their protective wall come crashing down. She turned to look at the rest of the group, her tribe; she could see how exhausted and hurt they were, she knew they couldn’t take much more from this creature. If this monster made it out of that room and chased them down, someone would surely die; she just knew it. Her hands began to shake slightly and she could almost feel electricity beginning to pulse in her veins; Yasha couldn’t let that happen, not again. She had to protect her family. As her eyes met those of the small monk, her resolve solidifying, Yasha knew what she had to do.

Beau noticed the aasimar pause in the doorway in the second before the wall was completely shattered; she could feel the energy coming off of Yasha and her focus could not be torn away from her in that moment. She noticed the hardened change on her face and Beau absolutely felt her heart stop as their eyes met, seeing it all in Yasha’s expression. She could see all of the things they never said to each other, all of the things Yasha wished she’d said, wished she got to hear. Beau could suddenly see it all in those heterochromatic eyes; she could see Yasha trying to tell her everything, telling her goodbye. Beau could feel her head begin to frantically shake back and forth, begging the other woman to reconsider, but she could already could see it: Yasha’s mind was made up and her heart sank at the apologetic look on the barbarian’s face before the white light of her wings exploded around them, the physical manifestation of her celestial blood on display, lighting up the dark corridor and eliciting a blood curdling scream from the monster in the room.

It was difficult for Yasha to tear her eyes away from the bright blue ones in front of her; the ones that she just, in a split second decision to protect the ones she loved, resigned to never see again. She could hear the pained scream that emanated from the small monk’s mouth, the sound shattering her heart as she took off back into the room towards the monster that was now completely free and running towards them. A scream of her own erupted from her chest, matching the howl from the creature as it charged towards her angelic form. She reached her hand out, slamming it down on the podium with the button as she charged passed it, hearing the heavy door fall and land once again on the ground, off of its hinges. Her eyes were bursting with white celestial light as she maneuvered herself around the beast to collide with its side, another raging scream tearing from her chest as she put all of her strength behind her attempt to throw it off of its feet, trying to rid her mind of the reeling thoughts flying through it at what she’d just done. 

_I’m so sorry Beau…I love you...forgive me..._

*******

“Yasha!” Beau screamed as she lunged forward, but she was too late, the flying aasimar had hit the button, and the nearly immovable door was back into its slammed shut position, locking her inside with that nightmarish creature. Beau shook her head, trying to rid it of the flashbacks to a _very_ similar scene as hot tears threatened to escape. She didn’t even bother trying to hide them as they fell as if weighted from her eyes, burning down her cheeks as her body slumped in front of the door. A frustrated scream escaped her mouth as her fists flew out at the offending blockade, bloodying her knuckles even further. She punched and kicked and screamed until a pair of hands were on her shoulders, pulling her back from the now bloodied stone in front of her. 

Jester’s strong arms wrapped themselves around her best friend, knowing that she was the only one who would be able to approach the monk in that moment; knowing that even in a fit of blind rage, Beau would never lash out physically at her. She brought her arms around Beau’s shoulders to rest across her chest, pulling her away from the door so she would at least stop hurting herself. She could feel her own hot tears falling down her face as she continued to look at the closed door, the monk still thrashing around in her arms in desperate anguish. Yasha had certainly just saved them all. 

All of Beau’s movement stopped when she heard it. A scream. Yasha’s scream; so loud and resounding that it emanated from behind the thick, ancient door that stood between them. Beau’s whole body began to shake again as she turned in Jester’s arms, flinging her own around the tiefling as sobs erupted from her chest. She allowed herself only a moment to let the panic and agony leave her body and dampen her friend’s chest before she flinched as more battle sounds raged from behind the door. She stood up straight again, wiping the tears from her cheek as she tried to control the vibrating angry energy coursing through her limbs as she listened to Yasha fight that thing by herself. 

“We have to get this fucking thing back open…” Beau turned, roughly wiping her nose with the back of her hand as she looked up angrily at the offending barrier. 

“How are we supposed to do that without the strongest in our group? It’s impossible...” Fjord’s face contorted as he too looked up at the huge door. 

“I don’t _fucking_ care!” The small monk turned, her eyes wide with emotion. “We aren’t just leaving her in there!” The muscles in Beau’s neck strained against her yelling, the force of it causing her already exhausted head to spin. She brought her hand up to her forehead, trying to steady herself; she didn’t pick her head back up as she heard Fjord take a slow step in her direction. 

“Yasha just did what she did because that thing was going to kill us…” 

“You don’t think I know that?” Her voice was dripping with venom as she spoke, her piercing glare quickly fixed on the half orc. 

Fjord’s jaw clenched as he looked to the ground, unable to look Beau in the eye while he chose his next words before slowly bringing his yellow eyes back up to hers. “So do you really want it to have been for nothing? Do you really want to open that door and let that thing come barreling out and let Yasha watch it kill us anyway?” 

Beau’s bottom lip shook and she bit the inside of her cheek so hard she could taste blood; her eyes were narrowed in anger as she responded. “I am not just going to just stand here and wait for it to kill her…” She took a step closer to Fjord, bringing her face up close to his, her voice firm. “And I am _not_ just leaving her behind...not again…” Her voice broke as she looked up into the yellow eyes of her scared friend, who now looked at her with a sorrowful understanding. “P-please don’t ask me to do that…” 

Fjord glanced back at the door, wincing as another awful noise emanated from behind it. He brought his hand up to the shoulder of his first mate, giving it a squeeze as he nodded his head. “You’re right...I’m-I’m sorry...I was just…” He shook his head as his thoughts tapered off. Truth is he’d also seen the look on Yasha’s face before she’d flown back into the room; he’d seen her take one last look at Beau and he’d seen it in her eyes, the willingness to throw herself in the way of any sort of harm that could fall on the small monk, on any of them. He’d seen the determination to protect her family; he’d seen the love she had for all of them. He respected her choice, horrifying for the rest of them as it was, he understood her need to protect the people she loved and he was honestly proud of her for it. But as he looked into the completely devastated face of his friend before him, he knew they couldn’t just run away like he was sure Yasha wanted them to do. He frowned as he looked again to the door. “There’s still the question of how the hell we are supposed to move this fucking thing without her?” 

“I’m not strong enough to do it on my own…” Jester’s sad voice was quiet as she stepped up to the door, bringing her palm to rest on it. She let her head fall, tears dropping to the floor in front of her as she did. A second later, she began to feel a strange warm sensation start to spread throughout her limbs and as she looked down at herself, sure enough, her form was expanding. She turned, her wide purple eyes landing on the small wizard behind her, whose arms were still outstretched in her direction. 

Caleb was still slightly out of breath from this whole encounter as he leaned back against a wall. “I don’t know if that’ll make you as strong on your own as if Yasha were here, but perhaps if Fjord helps you, your size and increased strength will make up the difference. Beauregard is right...we cannot leave our girl behind.” His bright blue eyes looked across the hallway to the ones that matched them, returning the gesture when his sister nodded her head in appreciation. 

Fjord stepped up beside the enlarged Jester, his expression softening as he brought a hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing it to catch a tear. “You ready?” 

A small smile graced Jester’s features; she ignored the giggle that wanted to bubble up at the fact that Fjord was a little smaller than she was at the moment, and nodded softly before they both took hold of the door. It took another minute or two, the sounds from behind the door silenced at this point, but after straining against it one more time, the pair began to feel the door slip into its correct grooves in the ceiling. They stood back once they felt the weight of the door being held completely by the frame. 

And nothing. 

They waited, all of them narrowing their eyes as they looked up to the top of the door; it was definitely back in the right place...but it was still completely unmoving. 

“Oh no…” Beau’s voice quaked with her realization. Her vision began to obscure as a fresh wall of tears formed in her eyes. “We-we can’t….it’s not gonna-” Her legs shook before giving out from under her, bringing Beau to a kneeling position on the ground. 

“Beau what? What is it?” Jester turned to her friend with wide, desperate eyes. 

“We can’t open the door from this side…” Fjord continued to stare at the door, his expression hardening as he came to the same realization as the monk behind him who was beginning to hyperventilate. 

Six pairs of eyes widened in panic as they all began to understand; the door would not open again until the button was hit...the button that was on the other side of the fucking thing. 

“No...no no no no no… _fuck_!” Beau gave the ground in front of her one hard punch before she stood up and stormed over to a small secluded corner before her entire body was wracked with sobs. She stabilized herself with her hands on a wall as her chest heaved and her tears fell. The waves of emotion welling up inside of her were all too much; she didn’t think she’d ever been this...fucking angry with someone. She knew it was only because of just how much she cared for the aasimar, but Beau felt this ungodly amount of fury building up inside of her...and it was all aimed at Yasha. How could she fucking do this? Just leave like that? Didn’t she know how much Beau loved her? How much she needed her?

No...of course she didn’t know. Because Beau was a fucking wuss and hadn’t been able to tell her yet; and now she would never get the chance...and that wasn’t really Yasha’s fault at all. Beau’s head fell as her anger morphed into grief and she found it hard to catch her breath. 

“Beauregard…” 

The monk forcefully shrugged the hand that’d just landed on her shoulder. “Not now, Caleb…” 

“Beau.” Caleb placed his hand back on her shoulder; he knew the risk of approaching her, but his friend was falling apart at the seams and he couldn’t just ignore it. 

“I said _fuck off_ Cale-” Beau’s shout was cut off as a loud clanking sound emanated through the corridor. They all turned to see the door was slowly beginning to lift into the ceiling. Beau wiped her face quickly, her blue eyes wide with shock as the room beyond slowly came back into view. 

Caleb quickly sent light globules into the space so they could see just what the fuck was going on; he held his breath as the orange blobs floated into the dark area. 

Beau could hear Jester’s gasp as the large, swollen body of the beast came into view. It was tipped on its side, its four legs moving, though just barely. Beau’s eyes landed on the large sword that was sticking out from the side of its neck where it’d been plunged down through the mouth, essentially pinning it to the ground. She took a tentative step forward as the globules continued to float and slight movement on the other side of the room caught her eye. Her heart stopped as she watched the large, bloodied form of Yasha slump off of the button podium, falling to the ground with a loud thud and then remain unmoving. 

Her body surged forward without a second thought, running through the now open doorway to Yasha’s side. “Oh my gods…” As she approached the barbarian, she could see that the clothes on one side of her body were almost completely melted away and she could see part of her side was a gory mess of teeth marks and acidic erosion; the creature had clearly gotten at least one good, full-on bite. “Yasha…” Beau slowly reached out with both hands, carefully turning the woman in front of her over, breathing a small sigh of relief when she heard a pained groan leave her. As the large form of the woman she was in love with turned over, Beau had to bite down on the inside of her cheek to keep from letting a sob fall from her mouth. Yasha’s face was bloodied and contorted in pain, but once she turned over, Beau was able to meet the slightly opened heterochromatic eyes with her own. She reached out hand, tenderly placing it on one side of Yasha’s face, letting a few tears fall as the angel leaned slightly into her touch. 

Jester was right behind Beau when the door was finally opened and it took everything in her to keep from breaking down right then and there from relief at seeing Yasha alive and breathing. She reached out a shaky hand to take hold of a large pale one, dumping the last bit of healing she had left into her friend. 

Yasha looked down at her side, feeling slight relief as part of the large gaping wound began to stop its bleeding and close up slightly. “Thank you, Jester…” He voice broke, unable to maintain with how much pain she was in and the exhaustion that was slowly taking over her body. She turned to look at the other woman who was currently kneeling over her, her hand still on Yasha’s face. The aasimar could see many different emotions flying across the bright blue eyes above her as Beau’s chest rose and fell rapidly. She slowly brought a hand up to cover the warm one on her face. “Beau…” Whatever she was about to say got swallowed back into her throat as the monk began to lower her head down towards her own. 

Beau didn’t know what to do or say; she was so relieved that Yasha was alive...but now that she was no longer worried about her immediate death for the most part, the anger was welling back up inside of her. She could tell from the tone of Yasha’s voice that she understood as much already, but the fact was still that...she was fucking _alive_. And so Beau leaned her forehead on the slightly sweaty one beneath her, bringing her other hand to the other side of Yasha’s face, holding her there as she closed her eyes for a second and breathed her in, reassuring herself that Yasha was alive and with her still. When her eyes opened back up, violet and turquoise ones were already staring back at her, waiting for what she was going to say or do. “I am...so fucking mad at you…” Her voice shook as she spoke, alerting her to just how upset she really was, but it was the truth. She felt the head in her hands nod softly as she brought her thumbs across Yasha’s cheeks, lovingly rubbing them back and forth. Her eyebrows quirked as her expression fell, more tears following that fell from her own face and landed on Yasha’s. 

The aasimar thought perhaps her heart had just completely stopped when the broken tears began to fall onto her face before Beau lowered her head next to Yasha’s, continuing to hold her there, cheek to cheek as she cried. Yasha brought one of her large hands up to land softly at the back of Beau’s head, gently running her fingers across her undercut and the top of her tattoo. She felt the smaller woman’s body react to her touch, a louder sob falling from her. Yasha’s voice was still strained when she spoke, but she turned her head slightly to whisper in Beau’s ear. “I’m sorry Beau...” She could feel the head next to her quickly nod in response before the small monk began to sit up, trying to rid her face of the tears that’d just fallen. A small smile tugged at the very corner of Yasha’s mouth when Beau gently maneuvered her head into her lap, running her fingers over her bloody hair once before looking around at the rest of the group. 

“We need to get out of here…” Beau turned to all of them, seeing them nod in agreement. She turned her head back when she heard the strained voice of the woman in her lap. 

“What about the-the….crest….thing? We still have to get that.” Yasha bit her lip when the monk’s eyebrows rose to the top of her head. 

“There is still a bite taken out of your side...you can’t go threshold crest hunting.” Beau really couldn’t believe the barbarian was actually suggesting-

“But we need it to stop them, don’t we?” 

“Yasha.” Beau tried to keep the annoyance out of her voice, but it was not going too well. She sighed as Caleb spoke up again.

“I believe we had about a one day lead on the tomb takers...assuming they were coming straight here like we did. If we want, I can throw up the dome right here and we can take a short rest before continuing to check for the crest since we are already down here. I don’t know that I would want to traverse the caverns leading down here a second time…” Caleb figited from one foot to the other as he remembered sliding down the dark cavern after slipping. “ _But!_ ” He held his finger up at the monk who was about to argue, waiting for her to close her mouth before continuing. “I can leave the dome up for Yasha to stay and continue to recover.” He walked over and knelt down next to Yasha, placing a hand on one of her shins. “You have done enough for today, ja? Let us finish this one...you rest.” The barbarian looked as though she wanted to argue, but after an almost imperceptible glance at the still incredibly tense monk, she closed her eyes and nodded her acquiescence. 

They took their short rest in the dome; Yasha tried to keep her eyes open, but her exertion in the previous fight left her completely exhausted. Before she lost consciousness, she could tell that Beau was beginning to recede into herself; she remained at Yasha’s side, watching over her with her head in her lap, but she was distant, unable to look at or speak to the aasimar. She could only hope that would change once they were out of the cavern and back into the safety of the tower...she could hope, but she knew that meant nothing when it came down to it.

*******

They were back in the tower; had been back for a couple of hours….and Beau was still avoiding her. She’d spoken a few words to Yasha since they’d retrieved the crest, mostly just asking if she was alright, and her eyes had been on Yasha the entire time as Caduceus insisted on throwing all of his healing into her when they’d returned to the dome. She’d felt on more than one occasion a warm hand on the small of her back as they trekked their way back to the top of the cavern, the touch bringing her comfort every time; but that was it, and the energy Yasha felt coming off of the monk told her there was a lot more happening under the surface. 

She tried desperately to make eye contact with the bright blue ones on the other end of the long dinner table, but Beau kept her gaze firmly on the bowl of stew in front of her. After deciding she would just give the smaller woman her space and let her come to her in her own time, Yasha slowly stood up from the table and quietly made her way into the center floating column and up to her room. 

Beau’s sad eyes watched Yasha leave the dining hall. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she just talk to the woman? Her brows furrowed as she thought about how fucking much there was to say...how half of it she wanted to scream at the other woman; how that more than anything else kept her at a distance. Blue eyes landed on purple for a split second, but it was long enough to halt them in their path back down to her food. She didn’t bother trying to put on a mask, knowing the blue tiefling would see through it in an instant as they looked at each other. Her chest lurched when Jester nodded her head softly in the direction their pale friend had just gone, before she pulled her lips in on herself, narrowing her eyes in defiance. 

Jester set her jaw and glared at the monk. She knew Beau was scared, she knew that Yasha had come very close to dying today and that’d sent the monk through a whirlwind of emotions, but she also knew that if her friend continued to just avoid talking about things, _especially_ with Yasha, who she _loooved_ , she would only regret it. So she glared, and nodded her head more forcefully towards the door. 

She knew Jester was right; she knew this. Beau had to go talk to Yasha, she had to stop being afraid of saying the wrong thing, of saying something that would upset the beautiful woman upstairs; because the fact of the matter was that Yasha almost fucking died today...and there were so many things that Beau wished she’d said in that moment. They were the only things she thought about...she didn’t think about a _single_ stupid thing she’d said that she wished she hadn’t. Only the ones that remained trapped in her brain, locked behind a wall of insecurities that meant nothing when they were facing death at every fucking turn in a frozen tundra in a race against literal fucking evil. 

_Holy shit._

Beau was on her feet in the next second, her chair scooting noisily back from its position under her after startling herself with the realization. “S-sorry...g’night.” Beau stammered to the rest of the group, her face flushing as she stormed out of the room before she could talk herself out of it, ignoring the beaming Jester still seated next to Fjord. She burst through the dining room door and dove into the column yelling the word ‘up’ into her own brain before taking a deep breath and trying to still her racing heart. Fuck, was she really going to do this?

*******

Yasha took a deep breath, ignoring the slight sheen of sweat gathering on her forehead as she braced herself. She was grateful that Jester had fixed her melted clothes earlier, but she was now realizing it might have been better to have stayed half nude. It wasn’t until she’d reached her room and began to twist herself in an attempt to reach the side clasps and straps of her outerwear that she realized how slow and painful of a process it was going to be. The healing powers of clerics healed wounds, restored your stability, but it did nothing for the deep, throbbing soreness those injuries left behind. She let a large hiss go as she released herself from the twist, having only undone one thing before there was a frantic knocking at her door. Her face contorted in confusion before she made her way over and slowly opened it, taken by surprise by who was on the other side. “Beau…?”

The shorter woman bounced slightly from one foot to the other as she took in the confused look on the other woman’s face, immediately taking her expression as a sign to bail. “Uhh...I’m-I’m sorry...it’s nothing...I don’t want to bother you, I’ll just-” Beau’s body had begun to turn on its own, but halted as soft fingers reached out and touched her forearm. 

“Wait. Do...do you want to come in? You aren’t bothering me…” Yasha tried to keep her expression as neutral as possible, which to be fair, was usually her baseline; she knew if she looked too eager to have Beau’s company that it could spook the monk. She took one step to the side, silently inviting the other woman to step in if she wanted to. 

Beau could feel her heart rate increase, but she tried to remind herself why she’d stormed up here in the first place and gave one quick nod of her head before forcing herself to take a few steps inside. As she walked through the entryway, she began to panic slightly, unable to decide what she wanted to say now that she was actually in Yasha’s room. ‘I’m in love with you and I wanted to fucking die earlier today when you sacrificed yourself and now that you’re here and safe, I _literally_ don’t know how to be around you’ seemed like too much for a starting line. She frantically looked around the floral explosion of a room, trying to find something, anything to inspire an opener for a conversation. She could see Yasha’s hat and coat thrown over the side of the couch and as she stopped in the middle of the room to turn around and face the taller woman, she could see that her outer clothes looked to be partially loosened. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you...you can finish getting ready for bed.” The slight flash of panic that crossed the aasimar’s features did not go unnoticed by Beau, and her eyes narrowed slightly when the other woman began to stammer. 

“Oh...n-no...no it’s okay...I-I don’t need to.” Yasha sighed when Beau’s look of suspicious confusion deepened; there really was no point in hiding it now. “It is difficult for me to reach the-” She gestured at her side towards the clasps that held her in her protective gear, another small sigh leaving her. “My body still hurts and I cannot stretch that way right now...so it is fine...I do not need to undress.” She shook her head, setting her jaw before looking back into the now softer eyes in front of her. 

“Do you want some help?” Beau’s soft voice matched her expression; she could see the frustration written on Yasha’s face. She understood; she hated feeling like she couldn’t do for herself as well, made her feel weak. She took a tentative step towards the taller woman, already raising her hands towards the side of Yasha’s outfit, but paused before making contact, waiting for permission. 

Yasha hung her head, closing her eyes before she nodded. She took in a breath through her nose, trying to control the overwhelming feelings she was having in that moment. She knew Beau was upset, knew she’d come here probably for that reason, and yet here she was, gentle as Yasha had ever seen her as she helped her unclasp and remove the outer layer from Yasha’s body. 

Beau paused again once the hard, protective layer of Yasha’s outfit was removed, leaving her in her leathers...which she was pretty sure still wasn’t how Yasha slept. Glancing to a chair next to them, Beau could see there was a set of linen clothing that looked set out for Yasha to put on. “Do you-uhm-I can take-” It was Beau’s turn to sigh as she fumbled her words. A small smirk appeared on her face when a slightly amused ‘hmm’ left Yasha’s mouth and with it Beau suddenly remembered that she was trying to stop worrying so much over every single thing said between her and Yasha. “Am I taking these leathers off for you too?” 

“Would you please?” 

Beau could hear the smirk in Yasha’s voice as she reached up and began unlacing the sides of her ( _fucking sexy_ ) leathers. “I thought you’d never ask…” She smiled as an actual chuckle fell from Yasha’s lips. It didn’t take her long to rid the barbarian of her final layer, remembering with a flush that Yasha didn’t wear under clothes, but as she helped the taller woman out of them, she couldn’t hide that gasp that escaped her. 

Yasha’s body was a bruised and badly scarred violent display; even the wounds that’d been healed were still bright pink slashes across her alabaster skin. Beau’s eyes widened and her hand acted on its own as it reached out and ghosted her fingers over the hundreds of deep puncture wounds that exploded across Yasha’s torso like a firework where the monster had clamped its mouth down on her. The small monk felt tears prick at her eyes as they took in the myriad of colors that bloomed across the chiseled back before her, one falling as her whispered voice spoke. “Yash…” She placed both of her hands softly between Yasha’s shoulder blades as she tried to tamper down the anger again rising up inside of her. She could see the taller woman’s head fall before she slowly stepped away from Beau and reached for her clothes. 

When Yasha was finished throwing her clothes on, she turned and could see the monk had her head in her hand, clearly trying to calm herself. She slowly stepped up to her and brought her own hand up to carefully wrap around a tanned wrist, requesting Beau pull it away from her face. When the smaller woman resisted, Yasha sighed and gently tugged. “Beau...Beau please look at me.” She waited patiently, keeping the physical contact between them. 

It did take her another couple of seconds, but eventually, Beau slowly lifted her head and looked Yasha in the eye, ignoring her embarrassment of already having tears about to fall. The soft and loving expression written in the heterochromatic eyes above her did not help things. 

“I know you are upset with me…” Yasha felt a pull in her chest at the reaction in blue eyes, seeing the pain she’d caused. She took a deep breath before continuing, her voice firm. “You need to know that I am sorry for hurting you...but-” Yasha flinched at the slight change in Beau’s posture at the conjunction, but forged ahead. “But I do not regret my decision today.” She hated that she caused the smaller woman any amount of pain, but thinking of Beau in pain...pain that Yasha now knew was possible to overcome and learn to move forward from...and thinking of Beau lying dead in a frozen cavern hundreds of feet below the ground, trampled to death? It had been an easy decision for Yasha to make; one that she would absolutely make again if given the chance; and she couldn’t just lie about that to spare Beau’s feelings, it didn’t feel right. 

Beau closed her eyes again, lowering her face as she took in a long, deep breath. “You didn’t _have_ to do that.” Her voice was strained and when she looked back up again, her jaw was clenched so tight, she was afraid she might break a tooth. “We could have figured something else out.” 

“It really didn’t seem like we had many options at that point, Beau.” 

“There are _always_ options!” Beau couldn’t stop herself from raising her voice as she stepped away from the aasimar, her arms flinging out to the side in frustration. “You didn’t have to...throw yourself at that thing!” She saw the taller woman flinch as she yelled, but all of Beau’s fears were manifesting into a raised voice and she had no idea how to stop it. 

“I know you’re mad…” 

“Mad?? I’m past mad, I can’t even see mad anymore! I don’t even know what I am right now. I just...I just can’t understand it, please...make me understand why you would just... _fly back in there and lock the fucking door behind you!_ ” Beau raised her hands up for emphasis as they shook slightly from all of her built up frightened energy. “We could have come up with something else!” 

“Because there was nothing else!” Yasha’s voice finally matched Beau’s as she shouted back at her. The smaller woman had never raised her voice like that at her and it’d startled Yasha at first, but she could see the fear in her bright blue eyes and she knew that this was only going to get harder before it got easier...so she dove in, hoping the walls really were as sound proof as Caleb claimed. “There was no other option, Beau! Not for me...can’t you see that?!” Yasha suddenly felt a rock forming in her throat and she was too late to stifle the sob that erupted from it. She quickly brought her hands up to her face, trying to hide the tears that’d begun to fall. 

Beau was stunned for a moment, watching blankly as the taller woman sobbed into her own hands. When Yasha matched her yelling, it’d shaken Beau slightly to know that she’d brought her to that point, knowing that it was _very_ unlike Yasha to raise her voice unless in battle. Then when she’d burst into tears, Beau felt her own heart jump at the sight. She felt her heart rate jack for a completely different reason, all of her anger subsiding to be replaced by the need to comfort the woman in front of her. She quickly closed the gap between them, pulling the taller woman down into her arms as she gently wrapped them around her, careful not to squeeze too hard and hurt her sore body. “I got you...it’s okay...I got you…I’m-I’m sorry...” After a few seconds of standing in the middle of the room, holding Yasha, whispering to her softly, letting her know she wasn’t going anywhere, Beau finally felt the body in her arms relax and her tears subside. When the barbarian finally lifted her head from Beau’s shoulder, the small monk smiled apologetically up at her. “Can we...start this over?” Seeing the broken aasimar in front of her, Beau refocused on why she came in here in the first place; she was upset, sure...but she had to remind herself that she was upset out of fear. She nearly lost Yasha; lost the chance to tell her how she felt, and the thought of that terrified her more than any consequence of just being honest with her. 

Yasha returned the small smile as she wiped at her eyes. “Yes, I would like that very much.” She was suddenly very aware of how exhausted her limbs felt after crying for a few minutes. “Could we go and just...sit on my bed? My body doesn’t want to stand anymore…” 

A small laugh left Beau’s mouth before she nodded her head. “Of course...after you.” She followed the barbarian to her bedroom, noticing the slight change in the floral scents between the two spaces.

_Huh...nice touch, Caleb…_

Beau’s feet carried her to the edge of Yasha’s bed, but stopped there; her eyes betrayed her insecurities and she tried to hide her blush when a knowing smile crept across Yasha’s face. She watched the taller woman lower herself down onto the bed, bringing her legs up to cross in front of her as she leaned against her headboard. 

“You can help me undress completely, but you cannot sit on my bed when I have invited you?” Yasha’s voice was light, she didn’t want to upset the other woman. 

Blue eyes rolled as Beau plopped down on the end of the bed with a huff. “Fuck off...I was helping you…” She frowned down at her lap before slowly looking back up at Yasha, unable to hide her smirk. It faltered slightly at the soft and open expression on the angel’s face. 

“Thank you for that…” She watched as Beau waved it off as nothing, her usual response to genuine shows of appreciation. 

Beau waved her hand a few times. “Aw, it-it was nothing-” She sighed as she tried to dial back her usual choices when with Yasha, softening her own expression towards her. “You’re welcome.” There was a pause in the conversation, not an uncomfortable one, but after a minute Beau knew that Yasha was simply waiting for her, letting her dictate where this went. Her lip pouted slightly as she thought about a few minutes earlier. “I’m sorry...for yelling at you. You were right, I was upset, but still...you didn’t deserve that and I’m-” She met Yasha’s eyes after looking anywhere but as she spoke. “I’m really sorry Yash.” 

Yasha paused, taking in the genuine woman in front of her. She found her to be incredible; she’d taken her completely by surprise and continued to surprise her daily in the most wonderful of ways. It was that reason that made Yasha regret nothing about her decision earlier today; she understood why it’d upset the smaller woman, and it would always crush Yasha to know that she caused Beau pain, but she would never regret it. She could never regret a decision to keep Beau safe, to protect her in ways she’d never before been able to protect the ones she loved. 

The aasimar sat up from her leaning position and began to reach out for Beau’s hand, smiling when the tanned fingers found hers halfway, intertwining with her own. She looked at their hands together, loving the difference in the light and dark colors of their skin, loving how warm and _perfect_ Beau’s hand felt in her. She slowly lifted them, turning them over to place a soft kiss to Beau’s palm before looking up at her, smiling at the blush she could see forming on her cheeks. “I understand why you are upset with me and I am sorry to have upset you in this way.” She paused, looking back down at their laps, unable to decide what to say next, wanting desperately to help the monk understand. Her chest tugged as she thought about Molly; not Lucien, the walking, talking, terrifying creature who now had control of the form, but _Molly_ , their friend...who’d been murdered in a field trying to get to her. “I couldn’t...I wasn’t there when-when Molly-” Yasha’s voice cracked and she paused to take a breath and move past the lump forming in her throat; a humorless laugh fell from her lips before she continued. “I suppose I _was_ there...just chained up in a cage.” The last part of her statement was sharp and filled with anguish. She could feel Beau shift herself forward, closer to Yasha and place a hand on her shin, offering more support as she patiently waited for the aasimar to continue. Yasha’s eyes were on her own wrists, thinking about how many literal and metaphorical chains had been around them for most of her life. Hot tears began to fall down her face as she slowly looked up into the sad blue ones in front of her, focusing on Beau’s comforting touch as her shaky voice came back. “I was chained up when they killed Zuala...and then I ran away...into the chains of Obann.” She gave the hand in hers a squeeze, feeling the hand on her leg tighten in response, Beau’s eyes never leaving hers, never faltering. “Chains that took all of my control away, chains that forced me to hurt the ones I love over and over again...forced me to hurt you.” A small sob escaped her.

“Yasha…” Beau hated that the other woman would probably always carry guilt with her over the things she did while under Obann’s control. She hated that he did that to Yasha; forced her to watch from inside her mind as she did the most horrible things, unable to do anything about it. She said no more as the aasimar shook her head quickly. 

“I don’t-” Yasha shook her head, never enjoying having to think about Obann and the feeling of her standing over an unconscious dying Beau, screaming into the abyss of her own mind, fighting with everything she had against her own body to keep it from twisting the blade. She would always carry those images with her, but the pain and guilt subsided a little more every day...with the help of her new found family; with the help of the woman sitting across from her. “I no longer feel those chains around me. I feel like I’m getting better, I’m changing...this-this family is changing me.” A shy smile crossed her face when she noticed blue eyes glance at the bright white that was expanding through her hair. Her expression returned to a more serious one before she continued. “The people that I’ve grown to care for...to love...have always died, and I’ve been unable to stop it, to protect them.” She took another glance at their still intertwined hands as a few more tears slowly fell. “So today...when that thing broke free from the wall...and I knew that it was going to kill someone.” Heterochromatic eyes locked onto blue. “And I looked at _you_?” Yasha’s eyes widened ever so slightly, her voice coming out at almost a whisper. “I had to protect you…” 

She hadn’t in so many words _said_ that she loved Beau, but as the monk remained frozen in the eye contact and felt her stomach drop at Yasha’s words, she knew that’s exactly what the barbarian was saying. Beau half expected that in any second her flight response would kick in and an excuse to run out of the room would come bubbling up from her chest and out her mouth before she could stop it...but nothing came. She actually felt really fucking calm all of a sudden, like she’d just spent hours meditating. Is this what it felt like to be loved? Like actually loved? Where you suddenly aren’t questioning it at every turn? Sure, she’d already known that she loved Yasha, as soon as that door had come slamming in between them, everything had been _pretty_ solidified for Beau. But what Yasha was telling her now was that she essentially threw herself into a locked room with an ancient monster without a second thought because she had essentially broken free of her chains from running away from her dead wife and murdered best friend and was now fully the fucking angel she was always meant to be...and that angel loved her and wanted to protect her. Beau’s head was spinning; she was so wrapped up in her excited thoughts that she didn’t notice Yasha’s face falter slightly as she started to sit back and distance herself from Beau. 

“I know you’re probably still upset…” Yasha had no idea what was going on in the smaller woman’s head. She didn’t necessarily look upset, but she also was not responding either. She started to back away in an attempt to give Beau some space, but was quickly stopped by Beau’s hands on either side of her face, the monk now taller than her, leaned up on her knees in front of Yasha. Her breath hitched at the look in the blue eyes that were suddenly very close to her own, a tanned thumb brushing lightly at her cheek as they glanced down to her lips. 

“Can I kiss you?” Beau had plenty to say to the barbarian, but this had suddenly taken precedence; this urge to feel Yasha’s perfect fucking face pressed against her own. She felt herself sigh as two large hands found her hips as Yasha nodded. She could swear time slowed momentarily as she lowered her face the rest of the way, closing her eyes at the last second before her lips were finally on Yasha’s. It took only a second for the hands at her hips to move around to her back, pulling her body flush with the one beneath it as she sighed again into the kiss. 

Yasha felt as if she could die in that very moment and it would really be okay. If someone told her this morning that she would end her day with Beau on her bed, giving her the softest, sweetest kiss she thought she’d ever received, Yasha would have laughed her ass off...and then thought about it for the rest of the day...and still never be able to imagine anything as wonderful as what was currently happening to her. Her stomach did a flip when the monk shifted her face and pulled Yasha in deeper with her hands that were still holding the sides of her head, one moving to tangle fingers in the hair just behind her ear. 

Beau took one more deep breath through her nose, breathing Yasha in as she hitched her body a little higher, smiling against the lips under hers at the soft ‘hmm’ it elicited from the other woman before she pulled away slightly, leaving herself in Yasha’s arms and close enough that their breath was still mingled together. “Holy shit…” Beau could feel her heartbeat in her throat and hear it in her ears. She felt her whole body shiver as Yasha’s fingers grazed her exposed lower back, narrowing her eyes at the chuckling woman under her. 

“Holy shit is right…” Yasha could feel the slight blush on her cheeks, but she didn’t care...that kiss was incredible. “Where did _that_ come from?” She looked up at Beau with a smile, but it faltered slightly when she saw the serious look on the small monk’s face. “What is it Beau?” 

As Beau sighed and sat back down, trying to organize and slow her thoughts, she felt tears at the corners of her eyes again. She brought her hand up to pinch at the bridge of her nose in frustration at herself for fucking crying right now. Maybe she should have waited on the kiss; because these things needed to be said. She took a deep breath and grabbed Yasha’s hand again before looking her right in the eyes, letting the tears fall. If Yasha could be brave and honest with her, Beau had to do the same. “I’m like... _really_ fucking proud of you.” A small teary laugh fell from her lips at the confused look on Yasha’s face. “The breaking the chains thing and all...you-you really are changing and it’s fucking dope. It’s so awesome to watch and I’m-I want you to _know_ that I am so proud of you.” Her bottom lip trembled slightly before she continued, her voice smaller. “But I was really fucking scared today.” Heavier tears fell from her eyes as she looked at Yasha, thinking about the look on her face before she flew back into the room. “You were there and then you were just...gone. And I-” A humorless laugh fell from her lips. “Yasha...I wanted to-I didn’t know what to fucking do…” It didn’t seem fair to tell Yasha that she wanted to die after she flew away; something shifted in the multicolored eyes in front of her and Beau knew that Yasha understood anyway. 

Yasha always understood, because she saw Beau; in a way that no one ever had before. Beau could never once remember feeling as seen as she did when Yasha’s eyes were on her. Today she thought she’d lost that feeling, those eyes; and maybe one day she would, but Beau suddenly realized that she was such a fucking idiot to waste even a second of time holding back from this woman in front of her. This woman who had proven time and time again that she accepted Beau, for all of her flaws, even liked her _because_ of them; who never asked her to be anything other than who she was, and who valued her so much that she literally jumped in front of a fucking creature from hell to make sure she stayed safe. “I love you.” Her chest lurched when Yasha’s eyes widened and her eyebrows shot to the top of her head, but she kept going. “I’m sorry...if that’s too much; and you don’t need to say anything back obviously, but it’s just true. I love you. That’s where that kiss came from. That’s why I’ve been so upset. That’s why I am so fucking proud of you for being a literal fucking angel that kills horrifying monsters to protect the people that you love...and was also absolutely terrified that you died without knowing how I feel...which, I guess could still happen tomorrow...so...now you know at least.” 

Beau closed her eyes and let her head fall, unable to look at Yasha. She’d been fairly certain that Yasha was hinting at a similar thing when she told Beau her reasoning for flying back into the room, but Beau had only every loved one other person, and it hadn’t been a particularly _emotional_ connection and so Beau had never felt quite as exposed as she did in that moment. After a few seconds of silence, Beau felt the bed shift; surely Yasha was now going to run out of the room and just leave Beau here, alone and rejec-

Beau’s thoughts halted as she felt a quick kiss to her cheek...and then her forehead...her jaw...nose. When a kiss landed on one of her eyes, she slowly began to open them, finding Yasha leaned up close to her, braced on her hands, the most beautiful of smiles on her face. 

When Beau’s eyes finally opened and a small smirk began to form at one corner of her mouth, Yasha sat back, but only slightly, still leaning on her hands. “You love me?” 

Beau could feel her cheeks getting hot with a blush as she slowly nodded at the positively beaming aasimar kneeling in front of her. “Y-yeah, I do...and you don’t have to feel pressured to-” Her speech halted when a large hand came up to cup her cheek and she was pinned under one of the most intense expressions she’d ever seen on Yasha’s face. 

“Of course I love you, Beau.” Yasha’s head shook slightly, her voice not faltering for a second, as if it were the most true thing in the world. 

Beau’s voice betrayed her with its softness and register as her eyes doed up at the taller woman. “Really?” 

A small laugh that betrayed how close to tears Yasha was in that moment escaped her mouth. “Yes really...that’s what I’ve been saying all evening…” 

“Well you didn’t _actually_ say it though…” Beau’s smile was starting to grow. 

“Okay, well I do; I love you-” 

“Say it again.” 

Yasha smiled playfully at the monk. “You first.” She gasped when the other woman quickly sat up on her knees again, guiding Yasha’s hands to their place behind her back before running her own up the sides of Yasha’s neck until they were again pulling her face into Beau’s. 

Beau paused, smiling down at the breathless woman under her, their lips just barely touching as she spoke. “I fucking love you, Yasha Nydoorin.” Beau considered this...slightly more active kiss a success after she heard a small moan leave the other woman’s throat when she gave her bottom lip a small nibble. After parting this time, Beau immediately went back in for a small peck before wrapping her arms around Yasha’s shoulders, melting into the hug when the barbarian wrapped her up and leaned back, bringing Beau into her lap as she sat back on the headboard once more. The small monk rested her head against Yasha’s shoulder as the other woman brought her cheek to the top of it. “Thank you.” She could hear the confusion in Yasha’s voice when she responded. 

“For what?” Yasha’s eyebrows furrowed at the sad tone to Beau’s voice. 

“For what you did today for all of us...for me.” Beau picked her head up so she could look at Yasha. “I’m grateful that you are so strong and you use it to protect us...but-” She glanced down for a moment to choose her words before looking back up. “I would never ask you to go against who you are...who you’ve become. I love who you are, I love that you want to protect people, but could you try to just...maybe not lock a door behind you? I just-” Her voice began to shake slightly, remembering her hopeless feeling from earlier when they realized the door wouldn’t move. “Don’t make it so I can't ever get to you...or that I’ll-I’ll have to leave you behind, because I don’t think I will ever be able to do that. Please don’t ask it of me.” 

Yasha leaned down to place a quick kiss to Beau’s lips, erasing the tremble and replacing it with a small smile. She thought about if someone tried to get her to leave Beauregard behind somewhere, or if she’d ever be able to just walk away from a locked door that trapped Beau on the other side of it, a quick puff of air leaving her nose at the thought. “I will do my best, yes. I will not lock a door between you and I again.” Warmth exploded over her entire body when the smaller woman smiled up at her before relaxing into her, nuzzling into her neck with a deep breath; it was hard for Yasha to hide the shiver from erupting through her as she tightened her arms slightly around the monk in her lap. They were in such a comfortable position, that Yasha couldn’t stifle the yawn that showed itself after a few minutes. 

Beau sleepily picked up her own head from the other woman’s shoulder. “You need rest...I should get-”

“Will you stay?” 

The soft look in Yasha’s eyes told Beau that she would not be upset if she said no. She realized though in that moment that something had shifted; something inside of her because Beau found that even though Yasha was leaving room for her to still have an out if her request was too much, there was no part of her that wanted to take it. Now that her feelings had be expressed...and fucking _reciprocated_? Beau was in this thing with Yasha; confidently. And so she reached up and pulled the taller woman into another kiss, smiling into it before they pulled away. “Of course I will.” She maneuvered her body so that she could slide in next to Yasha, laying on her side so she was facing the aasimar. 

The barbarian reached out, placing her hand on a slender hip, she pulled Beau closer to her, sighing as their legs instinctually intertwined and Beau’s warm hands came to rest on her chest. A large grin appeared on her face when she felt a light kiss to her collarbone, loving this new tender side of Beau she was seeing. It broke Yasha’s heart to know that Beau’s usual bravado and hard exterior from lack of love and attention in her life were holding back such an incredible capacity for affection and love and she decided then and there that this woman would never again believe that she wasn’t good enough or worthy of all the love in the world, all the love Yasha had to give. She pressed her lips to a tanned forehead, releasing them with a small smack as the light in her room began to dim, sensing them both losing their battle with sleepiness. Yasha closed her eyes before whispering softly. “I fucking love you, Beauregard Lionett.” Giggle was the only word that could describe the sound that came from the monk at Yasha’s words, and it was music to her ears as they both drifted off into a better sleep than either of them had expected for the night.


End file.
